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Hatstands and Mini-skirts

I haven’t posted on this blog since the 6th of June. Lot’s of stuff has happened since then. My mother-in-law came to stay with us for three weeks. We went to Spain. And, of course, there were the Olympics. I’ll cover all these in future posts.

I have also been preparing a new cover for my novel, Trinity. The new cover went live on Amazon today, albeit in postage stamp size, so here it is in all it’s, err, glory.

Please feel free to let me know what you think in the comments.

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Forget the Cowboy, Now There’s a Pirate in the Kitchen

This is a scene from Trinity. It takes place quite early on in the book. Ben, the protagonist, is staying at his ex-wife’s cottage in Wales. She is having problems with her second husband, and has followed Ben to the cottage. The scene takes place in the cottage’s kitchen, and features an appearance by Trinity, Ben’s imaginary friend, in his pirate persona.

This excerpt contains some bad language.

 

I pushed the empty plate away from me while it still had a pattern on it. “So, why are you here?”

“I was worried about you, Ben. The way you were yesterday, y’know, the state of your house, and all that talk about seeing your imaginary friend again. I thought I’d come down and see if you were okay. You don’t mind, do you?”

“No, of course I don’t mind. In fact, it’s great to see you.” It really was great to see her, especially the way she was dressed. She was wearing a figure-hugging dress that accentuated every curve of her body. “But what about Jack? Won’t he mind?”

“Jack’s out of town for a few days.” She pushed her chair back from the table and crossed her legs, causing the hem of her dress to ride up, and giving me a flash of thigh. “He doesn’t even know I’m here.”

If I had been sober, this was the point the alarm bells would be ringing, but I wasn’t sober, and I was enjoying the situation.

“In fact, no one knows I’m here, except for you and me.” She took my hand in hers. “And no one else needs to know, if you know what I mean.”

“I see.” I wondered what to do next. I was ninety-nine percent certain my ex-wife was seducing me, but there was always that one percent of doubt. What if I was wrong?

“And there’s something else.” Her voice had become almost a whisper. “What we did yesterday, y’know, in your lounge?”

“Er, yes.”

“I enjoyed it, and I’d like to do it again.”

One hundred percent, definitely one hundred percent!

“And you’d like to do it again, wouldn’t you, Ben?”

“Er, yes, of course I would.”

Helen stood up and reached behind her neck. “Good, I’m glad.” She shrugged her shoulders, undulated her hips, and the dress slid down her body to lie on the floor at her feet. “Do you like what you see?” She stood before me wearing some tiny scraps of cloth that just about passed as underwear.

“Arrhh, that do be a fine-looking wench,” Trinity said from behind me.

“Holy shit!” I jumped up out of my chair.

“Are you all right?” Helen said.

“Yes, I’m fine, great, er…” Say something. “Holy shit, you look fantastic.”

“Aren’t you going to take your clothes off too?”

Trinity had moved across the room and was standing behind her, ogling her bottom with his eye patch raised. “Arrhh, ’tis a sailor’s dream come true.”

“You mean you want to do it in the kitchen?” I said, keeping a close eye on Trinity, who was now crouching down behind her.

“Yes, why not? It’d be fun, don’t you think?” She wiggled her hips.

Trinity’s eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head. “Man overboard, I’m going in.” His hands moved towards her bottom.

“Fucking hell, no!” I grabbed her arm and pulled her to me.

A look of alarm flashed in Helen’s eyes. “Ben, what’s wrong with you? You’re not developing Tourette’s syndrome, are you?”

“What? Er, no, I’m sorry. It’s a bit cold in the kitchen. Let’s go into the bedroom, it’ll be more comfortable in there.” I hustled her towards the kitchen door.

“Oh, okay, if that’s what you want.”

I opened the door and almost pushed her through it.

“My, you are in a hurry,” she said, and giggled.

I stared a couple of daggers at Trinity before following Helen’s bottom up the stairs, to the sound of Trinity’s laughter from the kitchen.

There’s An Imaginary Cowboy in The Kitchen

My novel, Trinity, is now live on amazon.

As I outlined in my first post, the journey to this point has been a long one. Over the years I’ve had many requests from agents and publishers for the full manuscript, and I was even offered a publishing contract by one of them — see Welcome World. All the others rejected it. Not many gave their reasons for rejecting it, but of the few that did, their reasons for rejection were pretty much the same: They didn’t know where to place it in the market. Which is kind of understandable. The novel is a dramatic, romantic, comedy, adventure with a good measure of crime fiction mixed in.

Will Trinity sink or swim? Only time will tell. But in the meantime, you can check out the Look Inside sample on Amazon, or download a sample to your Kindle. Or you could even buy a copy!

And remember, buying a copy will instantly make you more attractive to the opposite sex. And for every copy sold, a fairy gets her wings.

When Ben Rider finds his childhood imaginary friend, Trinity, in his kitchen, he knows something isn’t right. Trinity hasn’t changed a bit. He still has three personas: cowboy, pirate, and private eye. He still smells of chocolate, and he still has a habit of massaging his earlobe.

Ben is trying to keep his video game development business alive and finalise a deal with an American games publisher, while keeping his disintegrating marriage together. Now, with the reappearance of his imaginary friend, he has his sanity to worry about too.

Trinity claims he has come back to help Ben sort out his life and guide him to his destiny. But over the days that follow, Ben’s life goes haywire, and it looks like he might meet his destiny sooner than he thinks. Thanks to Trinity, Ben will have a restaurant collapse on top of him, be seduced and later shot at by a Welsh femme fatale, meet someone else’s imaginary friend, and lose both a wife and an ex-wife. But will he find his destiny, or is Trinity’s real reason for returning, something else entirely?