Monthly Archives: June 2012

Diamond Jubilee Madness

So, the Diamond Jubilee is over. There was quite a lot of rain, some boats, some groups and singers, some fireworks, some beacons, a very long church service that got TV coverage on two of our main channels, and the colours red, white and blue featured heavily, usually in the form of the union flag. All pretty standard stuff for jubilees.

The Jubilee Concert took place on Monday evening. I didn’t see the whole concert, but I managed to catch some of it and, from what I saw, it was a pretty mixed bag when it came to the quality of the performers.

Some of them, naming no names . . . oh, bugger it, Sir Cliff Richard and Cheryl Cole, had difficulty in hitting the right notes, or hit the right notes but in the wrong order. An affliction Sir Paul McCartney suffered from too, but to a much lesser degree of severity than the aforementioned artistes.

Sir Tom Jones showed them how it should be done by giving a belting performance of Momma Told me Not to Come and Delilah. Stevie Wonder kept the good stuff going by performing Sir Duke, Isn’t She Lovely, Happy Birthday and Superstition.

But the absolute highlight of the whole event for me, was Madness who performed Our House and It must Be Love from the rooftop of Buckingham Palace. The palace itself gave a pretty mean performance too during Our House as its facade was lit up by a very clever light show that changed its whole appearance.

Sex and Scaffolding

I am not a prude, but I generally don’t like sex scenes in novels. I find them boring, and they very rarely do anything to move the story along. Don’t get me wrong, sex is great in its place, but when I read a thriller, I want thrills, not titillation. If I wanted to be titillated, I could go and watch porn on the internet.

Now, having said all that, I have to confess to having sex scenes in my novel, but they all “fade to black” before the squishy bits happen . . . well, all except one. The one sex scene that is played out in semi-lurid detail, is crucial to the plot, so that is why it’s there.

The scene is below. You won’t be able to tell why it’s crucial to the plot, unless you’ve read the book, but at least you can get it out of the way now, and then buy the novel (links in side bar) and skip it when you read it . . . I do like to look after my readers.

 ***
 We managed to get out of the main offices and across the car park without anyone seeing us. I unlocked the padlock on the barn door, pushed it open, and ushered Bonnie inside. I followed her in and switched on the lights.

“Awesome, I’ve never done it in a construction site before.”

“This is going to be our new office space.” I linked my arm through hers. “Come on, down here.” We made our way to the far end of the building, where there was a ladder secured to one of the towers of scaffolding. “Up you go.”

Bonnie looked at me and laughed. “You want me to climb this ladder?”

“Yes, we can’t do it down here, someone might come in, but up there no one will be able to see us. Why, you’re not scared, are you?”

Bonnie’s eyes widened and she playfully pushed my shoulder. “Hey! This is one girl who is scared of nothing. Here, hold these for me.” She took off her high-heeled shoes and handed them to me. “No peeking,” she said, and ascended the ladder.

I put the shoes into my jacket’s pockets and waited until she was almost at the top, then I followed her up. The structure swayed slightly as I climbed the ladder, and it didn’t feel as stable as it looked. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. Bonnie was making her way to where some crates were stacked and partially covered by a tarpaulin. I stepped from the ladder onto the boards and started to follow her. Then I stopped as the boards bent slightly beneath my feet.

“Come on, Ben, what’s keeping you?”

“Be right with you. Don’t start without me.” I took another tentative step. The boards gave under my weight again, and I instinctively put my arms out to the sides and transferred my weight onto tiptoes, as if that would make me any lighter.

Bonnie laughed. “What are you doing? You’re not walking a tightrope, you know.”

I ignored her and continued my daring high-wire act until I’d covered the distance between us, by which time she was crying with laughter. “And what’s so funny?”

She wiped tears from her eyes. “You are.” She took my hand and pulled me to her. Our lips met, and Bonnie fumbled with my belt buckle. After almost a minute, and with my belt still securely fastened, Bonnie broke away from the kiss, giggling. “I’m sorry, Ben, you’re gonna have to do it.”

I deftly displayed my expertise with belts and unbuckled it with a flourish, then I unbuttoned the waistband of my trousers, leaving the zipper for Bonnie to undo. Her arm snaked around my neck, and we were kissing again as our hands explored each other’s bodies. I stroked the warm, smooth skin of her legs, and gradually eased her skirt up. Bonnie positioned herself so I could enter her.

We moved in time with each other, rhythmically rocking our bodies, slowly building up the pace of our lovemaking. Bonnie’s breath came in ragged gasps in my ear, spurring me on to increase the force of my movements. She moaned and whimpered as her hands pulled on my hips. It felt incredible, like the whole world was moving in time with us.

I opened my eyes and discovered the world was moving. The scaffolding was swaying backwards and forwards in time with our movement.

“Aarrgghhhhh!” I yelped as the wall approached us, then receded back to come at us again.

“Oooohhhhh!” moaned Bonnie in response, with her eyes tightly shut.

The tower swung forward and almost hit the wall. “Oh dear God! It’s getting closer…”

“I know…I can feel it too…”

Visions of us found dead in each other’s arms among a pile of collapsed scaffolding filled my head. The doctor shaking his head as he proclaimed the cause of death to be acrobatic shagging, while television news cameras broadcast our fate to the nation as an example of the dangers of unsafe sex.

The tower lurched forward with a sound of metal scraping on metal, setting my teeth on edge. Then it groaned loudly as it swayed back. “It won’t hold out much longer.”

“Don’t hold out.” She pulled hard on my hips, and I went past the point of no return.

I closed my eyes, and all thoughts of impending doom and collapsing scaffolding left my mind as Bonnie bucked beneath me. Completely spent, I shuddered to a halt and opened my eyes again. The scaffolding was still swaying, but not as much now.

Bonnie was staring at the ceiling. “Oh, wow, Ben,” she said with laughter in her voice. “You really rocked my world this time.”